Quietus
by cheergirlejami
Summary: An EJami tale with a slightly supernatural twist. EJ DiMera never thought he would lose everything he held dear to his heart, but he has, hasn't he?
1. Chapter 1

**Quietus**

**Prologue**

I can hear her voice calling out to me before I actually see her. She shouldn't be here at this time of night wandering around in the woods, hell I shouldn't be here either, but circumstances as of late have forced me to do things I normally wouldn't have even considered beforehand.

The panic rising within me from just hearing she is close by must be showing on my countenance because this backwoods hillbilly's face that I'm having currently having a heated confrontation with suddenly transforms into something almost sinister. I can sense he wants her to see how far I've sunk in trying to get out of this latest predicament.

Not that I can blame her for what she did months earlier to ensure I'd lose everything that held any remnant of importance to me after what I had done to her. Betrayal can make a person do terrible things, awful things that normally you wouldn't ever consider doing much less act upon.

I had been in her situation a few years ago; being the one who felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me by lies and treachery. The sting of regret is still bitterly sharp of the lengths I had went to make her think her actions had decreed she would be hurt as much as I had been by her deception.

If only our pathway hadn't been littered with such horrific moments in time, the choices our selfish beings had made in moments of anger might not have led us to the depths of despair. I can't stop her from forging on in search of me any more than I can erase the sins of our past, a twisted past that has so intertwined us I'm afraid neither one of us will ever be free from the other.

If only my mind could telepathically tell her to get out of here, to turn around and run away like her life depended on it because I'm afraid in this instance it does. I've got a sinking feeling that won't dissipate and within a few seconds she will find us. Her voice is growing with fear calling out my name and if I yell out in response to tell her to go away it will only make her more determined to find me.

One thing for sure I know as surely as I know my name is how stubborn she can be when she sets her heels in and thinks she is right nothing can sway her from the course she sets. I have always wanted her to seek me out, but now I would give away my entire fortune to ensure she couldn't find me.

This isn't a place she should be.

I silently pray for her to please turn around, go some other way. It isn't happening though as I can hear her footsteps as she tries to navigate her way, twigs are snapping underneath her feet and now I can even hear her cursing. Something she does when she is frustrated, an occurrence which seems to happen when we are both involved.

Of course my prayers won't be heard. If I weren't so frightened for her safety I would laugh because I don't deserve for God to answer anything I request from Him since He never hears from me any other time.

"Seems like your little lady is determined to find you," his voice drips with the unmistakable drawl of another region of the country, one I wished he had never had left. When I find out who is responsible for his presence in our town they will surely pay.

Although now is not the time to be formulating plans of revenge. No, that time will be later.

I finally see her in the clearing, her hair in disarray, her eyes widening in confusion over who she has found with me.

"EJ?"

I hear my name upon her lips before the shots ring out in the night air.

And then she is falling, my beautiful decadent angel looks at me with a combination of shock and bewilderment.

We shouldn't be here. We shouldn't be here at all…


	2. Chapter 2

**Quietus**

**Chapter 1**

To have my worst fears come to a stark realization is quite frightening. It's almost like time stops momentarily, and in those few seconds before it truly hits me what has happened I think there is a way out of this hell we've both found ourselves in tonight.

Her legs buckle and before I can reach her to prevent her fall she has hit the rock hard ground, the clouds of dust fly up from where her body had struck it. Then I only have tunnel vision, I could care less if the hillbilly wanna be mobster along with his turncoat accomplice decide to get out of here as quickly as they can, leaving only Samantha and I alone in their wake.

Because all that matters in this space and time is being with the love of my life, the woman who is currently trying to focus on my visage, one that no doubt is full of worry and concern for her. She tries to take a deep breath and fails miserably.

I speak to her with calmness in the tone of my voice that I definitely do not feel. I tell her to try and stay still, to not move, that I will take care of her, for her not to worry about anything because I will call for help. I can barely control the shaking of my hands as I reach inside my suit jacket trying to locate my cell phone.

I almost drop it in my haste to alert anyone to come find us, but luckily it does not fall to the ground. How difficult is it to punch in three simple numbers? My mind draws a blank. What is the number I need to call?

I close my eyes and it comes to me, I need to call 9-1-1. That's the number you call when you need help and if anyone needs help right now it is my wife.

I look at the screen on my phone and want to curse, no signal. If I've ever needed my phone to work it is right now. There is no time to waste and before I lose all patience and begin screaming I see a faint line of a signal. I press the numbers and it feels like it takes forever for the operator to answer my call.

"Please help us, my wife has been shot," I say in a voice that doesn't sound like mine at all. I try to think where we are located exactly and I'm not sure. I can only give a vague description and pray I've given enough information where the paramedics will be able to find us.

The operator tries to keep me on the line, but I tell her I have to go, I have to take care of my wife because she is bleeding. Oh god there is so much blood as I touch her body. How can there be that amount of blood already spilled on the ground?

"Sweetheart, it's okay, I'm here with you," I say trying not to cry, she can't see that I'm afraid. I have to be strong for her, she needs for me to be brave, not to fall apart weeping over the sight of her lying helplessly on the ground, her body contorted in ways it should not be.

"EJ, we're late," her voice falters for a second before she continues "late for the party."

"We can be a few minutes late," I reassure her, saying anything to keep her from realizing exactly what has happened to her.

"The kids?" her face screws up in pain and I hold her hands to keep her from moving around so much, maybe if I can keep her still the blood will stop flowing.

"They are fine; remember Sonny came to pick them up earlier?"

She tries to smile, but it's taking too much effort and she closes her eyes.

"Open your eyes Sweetheart; stay with me," I encourage her.

"I'm tired," she replies as her eyelids flutter.

"I'll get you home soon," I say as I take one hand to touch her neck, trying to feel her pulse which is weakening by the second.

Where in the hell are those paramedics? They should be here by now, shouldn't they?

"I want to go home," she whispers.

"As long as you are with me that is home," I say brokenly.

She tries to focus her eyes on me and nods her head a tiny bit, "You know…"

"Know what Darling?"

"I love you," she says as tears form in her eyes.

"I've loved you from the first time I saw you," I tell her. "I'll never stop loving you. Right now though you need to save your strength, don't talk."

"Cold," she utters, "so cold."

I wrangle out of my jacket so quickly I amaze myself as I drape it over her body that is now shivering.

I finally hear the sirens in the distance, thank goodness they are coming. Hopefully they will be here in a few minutes.

"Sweetheart, help is coming; you just keep holding on to my hand, everything will be all right. I love you so much."

Another ghost of a smile appears on her face as I lean over to kiss her cheek and then I feel her hand slowly losing its grip on mine.

"They are almost here, I can hear them coming," I say as the tears that have been threatening to fall ever since she has been shot finally break the surface and splash upon her face. "Stay with me Sweetheart."

He hears someone call his name, someone he should know because the voice is so familiar, but all he can do is focus on her. He can't let go of her hand even when the paramedics tell him he needs to move aside.

Don't they realize he can't leave her? He's finally gotten her back, he can't let her go.

He just can't…


	3. Chapter 3

**Quietus**

**Chapter 2**

I roll over in bed, the sheets tangle around my legs and in my half awake, half asleep state I try to untangle myself without opening my eyes. My head is pounding as I try to remember what I did last night, my side is hurting like a bitch too for some unknown reason. I decide to reach over to feel for Samantha. I want to snuggle with her, whenever I feel under the weather; she can always make it better if I have her in my arms.

I'm not connecting with her body, surely she isn't already up. Most days I'm the one wide awake awaiting for her to open up her eyes. She tells me it is creepy for me to watch her sleep, but I can't help it. She's the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

She sees her imperfections where I see natural beauty. I can't believe how incredibly lucky I am to have her in my life. She is my everything. I know now my life truly didn't begin until the moment I met her because from that moment on my life was completely changed.

Reluctantly I open my eyes and she isn't there. Maybe she is in the bathroom getting ready for the day while I've been sleeping away what appears to be most of the morning. When I reach for my watch I see the time is getting close to noon.

How did I oversleep this long? Why didn't Samantha wake me up? I'm usually the morning person out of the two of us, not her, so for me to still be in bed without her is quite puzzling.

There have been days when she would flounce herself on the bed, trying her best to tickle me, but she's no match for me because I usually have her pinned down within seconds, squealing with peals of laughter.

I love laughing with her, maybe it was because we weren't able to laugh for so long and then when we could while it is such a simple gift for some people the laughter was a precious commodity for us. Her laughter is infectious, how could anyone not be affected by her joy when she decides to unleash it?

I decide it is way past time for me to get up from this bed. I push myself up, but for some odd reason the room spins a bit and I have to close my eyes for a few more seconds to get my bearings.

I finally can sit at the edge of the bed after a few more minutes of giving myself a rather small but encouraging pep talk. Am I coming down with the flu or something? I just feel weird, something is off, and it has to be for me to be feeling this way.

My feet finally touch the floor, but as soon as I stand I feel so nauseous that I barely make it to the bathroom in time before I throw up. Each time I think there isn't anything left I feel another wave of nausea hit me and I'm retching again.

This goes on for a while; I'm not sure for how long, but long enough. When I can stand on my own without doubling over I look around the bathroom, noticing how clean and spotless it is which is really out of the norm because most days Samantha either leaves a lipstick or some other kind of makeup lying around on the counter.

Today there is no evidence of my wife leaving something of hers behind in her haste to go onto something else. She gets distracted, mainly by me or one of our children. Guess today it was one of them instead of me.

I splash some water on my face and look up in the mirror wondering why I haven't shaved in a few days. Usually Samantha will let me go a day or possibly two before she asks me to shave, but try as I might I can't remember exactly when I did shave last.

My hair is longer too, something else she usually reminds me to do is cut my hair when it is growing out too long for her liking. Samantha prefers my hair shorter if she has her way about my appearance.

I go to my closet and grab some sweats and a t-shirt, not my normal garb most days, but I'm learning to be more casual with my attire. Maybe if I go outside to get some fresh air whatever this strange feeling is that I have will dissipate.

I amble down the stairs, I don't see anyone, but I can hear voices, apparently a lot of them from the sound of it as I near the bottom of the staircase. I head toward the noise and it eventually leads me to the living room.

I open the door and all conversation ceases when I peer into the room.

There are a lot of people here and when I say a lot I mean for there to be a crowd at the DiMera mansion something big must be happening or has happened. The mixture of people is another thing that is baffling me. Most of the occupants in the room do not socialize together at all ig they can possibly avoid doing so.

I can feel a frown forming because it isn't making much sense to me at all. I finally find my voice to pose the questions, "Did I miss something? What are you all doing here?"

The looks that are immediately exchanged by everyone in the room range from sadness to god forbid it looks like pity.

_What in the hell is going on?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Quietus**

**Chapter 3**

The first person to approach me is none other than Kristen, someone whose presence is not welcome at the moment in the mansion. I really don't think anyone is happy she is back in Salem because quite frankly my sister is even more of a town pariah than I am and that is saying a lot.

The DiMera's beyond the younger generation of Johnny, Sydney and Theo are generally not the family you would want to invite over for Thanksgiving dinner or such since our family has captured the true essence of dysfunction. If you want to see the definition of a fucked up family you have to travel no farther than the monstrosity of the DiMera mansion.

In fact we might make another cool million or so if we held tours of this place although I am not sure Father would approve of anyone checking out the dungeon aka the holding cells or the laboratory in the below ground section of our family home. Add in those underground tunnels for good measure and it could almost be a theme park of the rich and demented.

I'm brought out of my sudden musings of increasing our ever growing fortune of ill gotten gains by Kristen who is taking me by the arm and trying to lead me right into the midst of these people. When I survey the room most of them have either wished me to be incarcerated for the rest of my natural days, dead or attempted to kill me somewhere along the way since I've made my debut in Salem.

To say I'm not the most beloved man is Salem is putting it mildly, but all that doesn't matter because my wife and my children love me and that is all that I need to be happy. Whilst happiness has for the most part been the most elusive thing for me to ever achieve in my life I feel like I've finally grasped the brass ring and I'm holding onto it as tightly as I can.

"EeeJ, come on, quit dragging your feet," Kristen gently prods me to the center of the room while I can feel all eyes on me. I'm usually pretty astute, but I'm still at a loss as to why the conglomeration of people are gathered here.

It's so quiet in the room unlike how it was before I opened the door and asked what was going on. It's like playing I spy and with almost all of the Brady clan present it is quite unnerving to say the least.

Roman, Marlena, Caroline, Eric, Brady, Will, Sonny, Hope along with others like Lucas, Nicole, Daniel and even Rafe Hernandez.

I'm seriously starting to wonder if I've took a hit of acid or some other kind of hallucinogenic drug.

"Kristen, what is going on and why are all of these people here in our home?"

Before Kristen can even begin to give me an explanation, Marlena comes up to me all the while giving Kristen a stare that if looks could kill, my sister would have dropped to the floor within seconds. Samantha's mother and my sister have a mutual hatred for one another so with a frown on her face Kristen lets go of my arm and takes a step back away from me.

"We wanted to talk to you EJ," Marlena spoke with a gentle tone in her voice while she escorted me over to one of the many couches that are in the room and motioned for me to sit down and when I do, she takes a seat right down beside me.

"About what?" I ask feeling more confused than ever, since Marlena is hardly ever nice to me, most times she is so full of disdain for me that it is difficult for her to even speak civilly to me, much less be kind and show any modicum of concern for me.

"I know yesterday was especially difficult for you, well for all of us really in one way or another," Marlena made a gesture around the room with a sweeping motion of her hand. "I realize why it would affect you more so than others, but you have to be strong for your children. They need you."

I would never let my children down; I have fought for my rights to be with them, for them to always know first and foremost no matter what is happening in our lives that I love them unconditionally.

The look of utter confusion must be apparent on my face, but before Marlena can say another word, Roman steps up and gets on the other side of me.

This is weird sitting between the two of them; especially since I'm sure they are not here to give me an award for being the best son in law.

"Roman, what is going on? You, Marlena all the others being here is rather out of the ordinary." I state matter of fact because this isn't normal.

"Son, I miss her too," Roman says with tears in his eyes.

What is happening? First off Roman Brady would never refer to me as son unless it was accompanied by of a bitch following the use of son and secondly why would he be on the verge of tears? He has never shown me any compassion, much less understanding. The man pretty much hates me and has always been trying to find a way to put me in jail or keep them there right off the bat.

"Who do you miss?" I ask as a feeling of dread starts to assail me.

Then the last person I ever expected to see again comes forward and kneels down in front of me, her eyes full of love and concern for me. One of the few people I know that has ever truly loved me despite all my shortcomings in this life.

Alexander takes both of my hands in hers and quietly speaks the name I know she doesn't mean to say to me. "Samantha."

I shake my head in denial because no way is my deceased sister here talking to me she and just said the name of my wife, the woman I would do anything for, I would give my life for Samantha without a second of hesitation on my part. I love Samantha with all my heart and soul. Alexandra can't mean my Samantha is gone.

"EJ, they all miss Samantha," her eyes are also full of unshed tears although I don't know if she is about to cry for me or all the others surrounding us.

I remove my hands from my sister's and arise from the couch, staring at everyone like they've lost their mind. Samantha is not gone, she isn't.

I have to get out of here before I tell them they don't know what they are talking about and they can all to go to hell, well all of them besides Alexander because I'm pretty sure she got a spot in heaven somewhere.

"I'm out of here," is all I say before taking my leave of their unwanted and unsolicited company.

I rush out of the room with a speed that even astounds me, but I'm not staying in that room for another damn second.

Samantha is alive and well, I know it. I would feel it if she were gone, we are a part of each other. We live in each other's hearts.

I'm going to go find my wife right now; nothing is going to stop me from finding her.

Nothing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Quietus**

**Chapter 4**

I've left the room where I felt like I was some kind of freaky sideshow attraction and decide to head out on my own. I wasn't getting any answers in there, only more questions and that frustrates me beyond belief.

I am a man who is used to taking charge of things. I've always been on the fast track, and I pause momentarily thinking before I came to Salem I actually raced cars, lived dangerously and loved the thrill that came with pushing situations to the uttermost limit.

Another reason I always sought to be around Samantha, she embodies my need to take things beyond the realm of possibility because being with her made anything seem like it could be achievable. She is the other half of me, the reason I came to believe I was more than just being the rich and spoiled son of Stefano DiMera.

Samantha taught me just because I thought I deserved something which was pretty much the norm for me growing up in one of the wealthiest families that didn't necessarily mean I was going to get it. I have never had to work so hard in my life as I have to be with that woman.

Yet even with all the schemes I orchestrated to win over Samantha's affections it took years for us to find true love. There is a huge difference between obsession to have someone in your life and the actual surrender of your own selfish needs to put another person first, to allow them their happiness even if it means you have to let them go to find it without you.

I had some very difficult lessons to learn along the way and I guess you could say I'm a work in progress because there is still so many things I need to figure out, but with Samantha by my side I will find my way. She and the children are the sole reason I will strive to do better each and every day.

Speaking of the children I wonder where they are because I haven't heard their voices. Usually Johnny is teasing his sisters and they are usually trying to outsmart him at his own game. My son has not learned the subtleties of how to deal with women yet, but I am sure my girls are going to make sure he knows there are certain ways to go about things without antagonizing them to the point where they seek retaliation against him.

The children are at such a good age, one where they still have the wonderment of a child without the cynicism that has colored my outlook for so long. My world changed completely when they were born.

Although I would be lying if I said I didn't want any more children, I long to be able to be with Samantha from the conception of a new life we could create together until it is brought into the world. So many things I missed by not being allowed to be a part of her pregnancies, but I can't place all the blame at her feet. Samantha had her reasons as to why I wasn't privy to those special moments, but maybe now that things are different we could share in the experience together instead of me looking on the outside wishing for a chance to belong.

I have so many things I want to do with the rest of my life with Samantha, but suddenly the fatigue and exhaustion I feel overcoming me is enough to make me almost stumble at the bottom of the winding staircase that leads upstairs to our bedroom.

I decide before I can do anything else in my quest to figure out what in the hell is going on that I may need to go lay down for a few minutes. It's like I can't go any further and it's a wonder I actually was able to climb the stairs and make it to our bedroom.

Well as I open the door to the room I share with Samantha, the place where we have shared some of the most honest moments of our lives together, I was hoping she would somehow materialize before me. I just need to speak with her, to hear her voice, to feel her touch because hers is unlike none other to me.

Yet she isn't here, the room is untouched although somehow the bed has been made up and I was sure I had left the bed unmade earlier. I'm usually not one to leave things a mess but I was in a hurry to go find Samantha. Maybe Harold had come into the room to straighten it up during my absence?

I'm too tired to wonder about it for very long. I just need to get to the bed before I hit the floor. Luckily I make it to the bed and sink into its softness even though I don't have enough energy to even pull back the covers. I'll just lie here for a few minutes. I'm positive my energy will return if I can close my eyes and get some rest.

Surely everything will be back to normal when I wake up and this will be like some kind of weird dream I can discuss with Samantha and we can laugh over the absurdity of it. Thinking of her smile and her laughter is the last thing I remember before I drift off into another world.

A world where she is with me and I am with her. Together.


	6. Chapter 6

**Quietus**

**Chapter 5**

Nightmares…

I absolutely hate nightmares. I guess I think I am above all the kind of nonsense where your subconscious is trying to tell you something important you need to know. Or could a nightmare be a result of your worse fears playing out like some kind of B rated horror movie that you can't quite seem to escape no matter how hard you try?

Nightmares, the ones somewhere along the way you realize you must be dreaming, yet no reprieve is allowed even if you think you can outrun the monsters which apparently reside in your head. While some people think they don't have any darkness inside of them I believe they are kidding themselves because we all carry certain shades of darkness within each one of us.

Some just don't have to ever draw upon the darkness, I only wish I had been that privileged, but alas the darkness and I have been companions more times oft than not. Thick as thieves we've been on several occasions, aligning ourselves to say and do things to others that most would definitely shy away from because one thing about the darkness is that its tendrils can wrap around your soul so tightly you feel as if you can never flee its clutches.

But luckily, I don't have to hang out with the darkness anymore. My life actually took a turn for the better after Samantha actually confessed to me how for years she had tried to push aside her feelings for, me yet she was unsuccessful in her quest.

She wasn't kidding about the years part, my god that woman put me through an emotional wringer more times than I could count and I believe me I did count the ways to find an approach to finally win her heart. So many times though those plans blew up in my face horribly.

What is it they say about the best laid plans of mice and men? I need to think about it for a moment. Ah yes, they often go awry. And all my grandiose plans of winning Samantha's heart could unravel faster than pulling an errant string out of a treasured crocheted afghan made by some sweet old lady, preferably a kindly old grandmother who loves you no matter what foolish things you do in life.

The words Samantha told me of how she was being selfish, yet her unwillingness to cut me loose was her mind's way of trying to save her from making a huge mistake by letting me go once and for all. She even said she thought there was some small part of herself that was trying to save her from making those mistakes.

The thing that shocked me the most by her admission that day wasn't that she wanted to know if we still had a chance, rather it was she hadn't wanted to throw away me.

How could she believe I was worth holding onto? She should have run away that day as well.

Yet her soliloquy was something I had longed to hear. I almost wondered if it was a dream because I had dreamed of her, of being with her from the moment our eyes met.

She spoke of being selfish that day, but in reality it was I who was the selfish one. I wanted her, needed her, would have done anything to be with her and to hear those words of hope coming from her instead of me trying to profess them to her was something I clung to like a drowning man would cling to a life preserver.

If she had been smart that day, she would have thrown me away and never looked back. If I had been smart, I would have told her no, it was way too late for us.

But then again when had I ever been smart when it came to Samantha Gene Brady and vice versa?

Never apparently seems to be the resounding answer for both of us.

Right now though I have to make this incessant nightmare I seem to be having go away. I haven't lost Samantha, I just need to get up from this bed and go find her.

I will find her today. I am sure of it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Quietus**

**Chapter 6**

Even if my son thinks I am old, I'm not yet although garnering from the aches and pains I feel as soon as I attempt to get up from the bed would somehow convey another story altogether. For god's sake I'm not even forty yet, my body can't be falling apart on me.

I'm strong, mentally and physically, I always have been from childhood. You don't survive being all alone at age seven in boarding school if you are weak. No, the weak get singled out, their fears and weaknesses exposed by the bullies.

Luckily for me, the reputation of my family on the DiMera side kept me safe from being a target of the older chaps at school that first terrible year I attended boarding school and then the years following as well. I guess another reason could have been I always looked older too; my growth spurt hit me rather early in life. By the time I was nine I was already taller than my classmates in my grade, by age 12 I was as tall as some seniors even if I was gawky, an awkward mixture of a boy who was trying to become a man.

One thing though about looking older, it helped me with the girls, the ones we snuck off to see who were residing in an all girl's school that wasn't very far away from our campus. Granted we did have some occasions to interact with them at dances, but I did not dance or rather I didn't want to dance with any of them.

Now kissing was another thing entirely even if the prospect of doing anything beyond that to one of the girls was beyond my comprehension. Being fourteen, but looking like I was eighteen was probably the only reason I lost my virginity so early, that added in with the rather amorous attentions of a dark haired beauty named Sabrina who was about to graduate I fumbled my way around to do the deed.

That first time probably wasn't so memorable for her, but I guess she either had pity upon me or took a liking to me and that spring and summer before she left to go to college, she taught me things I had never imagined. Thus my confidence grew around the ladies. I never doubted my ability to be able charm the knickers off a single female after her tutelage because as soon as I turned my attention on any of them, they did whatever I wanted them to do. I usually asked a plenty and got it back tenfold.

Well that was certainly the case until I met Samantha and then she threw my game off completely. For once I couldn't bed a woman with a sweet smile and a couple of choice complimentary phrases. Most women melted if I gave them a heated gaze and opened my mouth to speak. I guess some women love English accents, especially the American's, they would fall prey easier than most, but not my Samantha.

No, she made me work for each and every single kiss, she made me crazy with desire and for once I was completely stumped that my charm didn't seem to have much effect upon her. Well at first she seemed enamored enough of me even if she was engaged to that buffoon Austin, aka Dallas in my mind and for the first time in my life I became friends with a woman.

But I wanted her in my bed, not his and I conspired of ways to get her there with no such luck, apparently Samantha was smarter than I gave her credit for in the beginning. She saw through me rather quickly or she did after she found out that I was a DiMera.

My last name had always been advantageous to me in life even if I went by my mother's while I was on the racing circuit. My father had suggested using her surname then and I thought nothing of it. Then when he asked a huge favor of me to come to Salem and use my charms upon a girl to help him, I was willing.

I wish I could say my father was a good role model for me, but that would be a lie of such epic proportions that even a smooth liar such as I am now couldn't pull off. Stefano DiMera was a force to be reckoned with and in my misguided youth I thought he was a man to be revered.

Stefano had given me the best education money could buy, I had went on to university to study law, so whenever racing panned out I would become a responsible adult one day and be a lawyer, but I still could play at the moment and when I met Samantha I definitely wanted her to be my playmate.

Yet she shut me down time and time again. I'd never had to work so hard for anything in my life as I had to for Samantha. She was the biggest challenge I ever had to face.

At least that was the case until now because I'm puzzled over what has happened to her, to us.

Somehow I make my way to Salem Place even though the details of how I have gotten here are kind of vague. All I know is that I need to see Samantha and I'm going to find her.

I kind of amble around, not engaging anyone I might know in conversation, not that I'm the most beloved man in Salem anyway. Really the fact doesn't bother me because just when I think my quest to find Samantha isn't going to be successful and I will have to return home alone all of the sudden from out of nowhere someone bumps into me.

When I turn to see who had collided into me I realize it's not just someone, but it's her, it's actually her, Samantha.

I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life. I've finally found my Samantha.


	8. Chapter 8

**Quietus**

**Chapter 7**

Seeing her, being this close to her, I can feel a smile forming on my face, the first one I've had in a while. The urge to pull her into my arms and kiss her until both of us are gasping for breath is strong. I just want to hold her and never let her go again.

Yet before I can act on those impulses, I notice something.

Samantha looks different, not in a bad way because I have always found her beautiful, but she doesn't look like she did the last time I saw her.

I don't want to do so, but suddenly I recall her lying on the ground looking up at me with those amazing blue eyes of hers etched with pain and bewilderment over what had just happened. I shut my own eyes momentarily to banish the terrible scene away even if I am afraid if I close my eyes she will be gone once more.

Yet miraculously when I open my eyes there she is right in front of me, those same mesmerizing eyes are wide open, not closing in what I fear is the last time I will see them, but the way she is looking at me so curiously stops me from acting on my initial instant inclination.

She reaches out a tentative hand to place on my arm which immediately makes the urge to bring her closer to me return tenfold at least until she asks me, "EJ, is that you?"

Of course it's me, who else besides my younger brother Chad is even close to me in height?

Somehow I find my voice to answer, "Of course it's me Samantha."

She opens her mouth to say something, then pauses for a few seconds before hesitantly stating, "You just look a tad bit different from the last time I saw you."

"Different how?" I ask since I've noticed a change in her appearance too even though I haven't spoken it out loud.

She doesn't answer me yet, just shifts from one foot to the next all the while trying to keep the bundle of whatever she is holding secure under one arm since she transferred it there when she had placed her other hand on my arm a few moments earlier. Then her balancing act of keeping everything intact fails and the contents she was carrying flutter all around our feet.

Instantly she looks exasperated and goes to the ground to fetch the papers and what looks like samples of various materials.

Usually my manners are much better and I would straight away go to help her, and then it hits me, her hair is lighter and she has the glow of a light tan. Samantha's skin never darkens as much as mine does, but it looks like she has been kissed by the sun.

Then I crouch down to help her retrieve her things and I accidentally touch her hand in the process of picking everything up and she stops what she is doing to look at me closer. Our faces are so close to each other that it is a wonder we didn't bump heads when she turned hers toward me.

From this vantage point, I can even see the faint sprinkling of freckles she has on the bridge of her nose, something you can't really notice unless you get right up next to her, which I am.

Yes, it's something in her eyes, they aren't looking at me with the same intensity that I am sure I have in mine for her.

She has bewilderment in them, but it isn't like the last time I saw her. She quickly turns away from looking at me, returning to the task at hand trying to pick up everything that has fallen to the ground.

It doesn't take long for us to get everything, but whatever she was working on is completely disorganized and I can tell she is aggravated. We both get to our feet and she reaches out to take the papers I have recovered but then I look down at them.

Why does Samantha have pictures of wedding dresses, flower arrangements and various kinds of cake in her possession?

"EJ, if you don't mind I need those," Sami states when she can't get me to let go of the pages.

Why would Samantha need any of these things? We are married and I know with a surety that she isn't helping with the planning of someone else's wedding.

"Why?"

"For my wedding to Austin of course," she answers. "I realize I haven't seen you since the night we all went Chez Rouge, but I thought we talked about my engagement."

What the fuck? Samantha isn't engaged to Austin, she's married to me. I grab her left hand to look at it and sure enough she isn't wearing her wedding ring that I gave her when we renewed our wedding vows.

Not letting go of her hand, I look down to my left hand as well. No ring, nothing at all.

_Where in the hell is my wedding ring?_


	9. Chapter 9

**Quietus**

**Chapter 8**

I still have a hold of Samantha's hand and sure enough the Harry Winston emerald cut diamond engagement ring and wedding band set I gave her a few short weeks ago isn't on her hand. Instead she is sporting a rather small diamond, hell I'm not a jeweler and even I can tell just from this brief examination of her hand that it's not even a full carat. Yes, I know what they all say, it's the thought that counts, but damn it this woman deserves the very best life has to offer.

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm quite the snob when it comes to certain things, jewelry is one of them, well really I am snobby about a lot of things, but at least I'm being honest about it. I'm trying very hard not to let my disbelief show on my face, although believe me it is quite difficult.

"EJ, is everything all right?"

Her voice brings me back to focus on the matter at hand, which is that I'm actually holding her hand and apparently from the tone of her voice she wants me to let it go. I can feel her trying to pull that precious hand away from me and I don't want to release it from my grip.

Suddenly the image of that same hand slowly slipping out of mine grips me with a fear that overshadows everything else that is surrounding me. That along with the ever present weariness I've felt in my body is beginning to wash over me and I know I have to fight to keep it at bay.

"EJ, come on, let's go sit down somewhere and talk."

That's a good idea, I love sitting with Samantha, talking to her, listening to her views on things, why just being around her is something I greatly enjoy. Even during the dark days of our relationship nothing compared to the spark of life and excitement she brought whenever she was near me.

I nod my head and we both arise from the position of where we were almost crouching on the ground while she tried to pick up her things she had dropped, yet now she seems unconcerned about them as she lets them lie on the ground and leads me away from the main thoroughfare of Horton Square to a more secluded park bench instead.

Which is really kind of nice, that way no one can come up and interrupt us. So many times in the past that is what happened, those interruptions from others who prevented us from just being who we really were with one another.

I try to focus on her words, I really do, but when she reaches up to touch my face all I can think about is wanting to kiss her, yet I don't want to scare her away either.

Why does she think she is going to marry Austin? She's mine, all mine. It took too many years for me to even be able to lay such a claim out there about her because she fought it, fought me against that irresistible pull we always seemed to have, the gravitational force she tried her best to resist.

So instead of maybe driving her away by what she would surely deem as an unexpected kiss from me I ask her a question instead.

"Why do you want to marry Austin?"

She pauses for a second to give me a funny look before answering, "He's the love of my life. I've always been in love with him since I was a teenager. It's taken a while, but I've finally convinced him that he loves me, not my sister Carrie."

I shake my head in negation to her declaration of love for a man whom would have bored her to tears within a year of being married to him, the man was nothing if not predictable, he was too malleable for her, he would never understand the wildness that was simmering underneath the surface of her being. "You don't truly love him Samantha. He's the infatuation of your youth. Austin won't be the love of your life."

Samantha juts out her chin like she does sometimes when someone is saying something she chooses not to believe or plain out doesn't want to hear. "Oh really? So who will be the love of my life if it's not Austin?"

I want to tell her it's me, I really do, but I don't want her to stomp off in a rage or even worse laugh at me. Instead I say, "Just trust me, it's not Austin."

"Does this mean you don't want to be invited to the wedding? I was going to ask you to come since I thought we were going to friends with one another."

I answer quickly to dispel her oncoming bad mood by my prediction to her that Austin Reed is not the love of her life. I take her hand in mine once more, this time she doesn't seem to what to draw it back away from me. "We are friends; I mean I want to be your friend."

"I'd like for us to be friends too," she begins with a tentative smile for me and that smile of hers brightens up my jaded soul like very few things can do.

Little does she know we will be more than friends, she's my soulmate; apparently she just doesn't know it yet.

One day she will know though, one day.

_Just not today…_


	10. Chapter 10

**Quietus**

**Chapter 9**

Somehow I have managed to keep her hand in mine without it becoming awkward like it seemed earlier when I was wondering where in the hell were our wedding rings.

I decide to start off being as direct as I possibly can without trying to make Samantha run for the hills with my somewhat prophetic prophesies for the future, ones that I seem to have knowledge of while the beauty that is sitting beside me apparently has no freaking clue about what is coming round the bend. "Well since we agreed to give this friend thing a go, may I tell you something very important?"

"Important you say? Go on you have my curiosity piqued."

If she only knew, but I'm not going there yet or I risk ending our cautious attempt at friendship before it ever fully begins.

"Samantha, I want you to give this idea some thought before you decide to get married to Austin or anyone else."

"There won't be anyone else besides Austin," she says definitely.

I cast a wary look in her direction and begin to softly rub my fingers along her hand in a soothing manner, "Humor me please."

If she notices what I'm doing to her hand, she isn't acknowledging it. She sighs as if she is doing me a favor, "Go ahead, I'm willing to listen. What is it that you want to say to me?"

"Please don't sell yourself short, you are an amazing woman."

She almost rolls her eyes at me, I know the signs of when she thinks that response is warranted, but something in the tone of my voice must make her think to hold off from such expressions from her. "Thank you EJ, but you don't know all the bad things I've done in my life or you wouldn't be calling me amazing, crazy maybe, but definitely not amazing."

"We've all done things that are less than stellar, some more than others, but that isn't the point I'm trying to make to you."

"EJ, what great words of wisdom do you want to impart to me then?"

I look her straight in the eyes, ones I wish at the moment were looking at me with love, but at least it isn't hatred either so I guess at the moment I have to go with the stance that beggars can't be choosers. "Never let anyone make you believe that they are doing you a favor if they want to be in a relationship with you because you my dear are one of a kind."

She finally succumbs to the desire to roll her eyes at me, "If you mean the disastrous, fuck up your life kind of person then maybe…"

I shake my head in negation, "No, you're like fireworks on a hot summer night, the glorious streaks of lighting before a rainstorm that lights up the entire sky, the joy of seeing the first snowflakes of the season falling all around, you're magnificent Samantha Gene Brady and any person would be the lucky one to have you in their life, not the other way around."

I can instantly see she doesn't believe a word I am saying to her, she doesn't believe in herself at all and once again it makes me upset with her family for treating her the way they have ever since she was a teenager because to her way of thinking she isn't any of those things. Her sister's maybe, but not her.

"You really don't know me," she states quite frankly.

But I do know her; she is my other half, the yin to my yang. I feel her start to pull her hand away, but I refuse to let it go. I just need to hold onto to her for a few seconds longer. She doesn't realize how I draw strength from her that her being in this world is the reason I want to get up and start anew each and every day.

"If you don't remember anything else I say today, remember this, sometimes people make promises that they can't possibly keep, and those broken promises may make you feel like your heart is breaking in a million pieces, but when the right one comes into your life you'll understand why you had to deal with all the broken pieces."

She breaks into a smile as she starts to tease me, "You my friend EJ DiMera are deep."

"Oh you have no idea," I instantly reply and bring that precious hand of hers up to my lips to place a chaste kiss upon it then reluctantly I let her hand go.

I finally see it in her eyes, I have affected her by my words and gestures, and maybe she will take what I have said to heart.

Then she looks down at her watch, noting the time, "Sorry EJ, I have to go, but I'll see you around."

"Promise?" I ask hopefully.

"I promise," she agrees without a second of hesitation on her part, which has to be a good thing because if she thought I was a nutcase she would be sprinting away from me as fast as her legs could take her.

"Good," I reply wanting to kiss her so desperately that I'm sure she can see it in my eyes, yet all she does is get up from the bench we are sitting at together, but before she goes she leans over and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for the pep talk."

"Anytime Sunshine," I say sweetly to her, feeling like I've gotten the best gift ever from a simple impromptu kiss from her that wasn't even on the lips; it was just a tiny graze of her lips upon my cheek. Yet for now that is enough.

"Sunshine, I like that nickname," she comments before turning around and walking away from me.

I long to go after her, but I realize I can't push her, one day she will see I'm the one who truly loves her, I'm the guy who won't ever give up on her, that I'm the one who thinks she is all those things I mentioned to her earlier in our conversation and more. One day she will realize that no matter what life throws in our way, as long as we are together we can weather any storm.

I won't stop until she believes me because she is worth it, worth it all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Quietus**

**Chapter 10**

Even though I do not want to ever let Samantha out of my sight again, I have to make myself stay seated on the bench while I watch her walk away from me. My eyes strain to see her as she rounds a corner, but unless I go after her right now, I will not be able to catch up with her.

If I did go with my impulse, it would probably make her believe I am a flat-out stalker. Which emphatically I am not, even if I have been known on certain occasions to use various types of surveillance equipment to find out information.

Really, I had thought myself to be quite ingenious when I came up with the baby monitors to use to keep up with Samantha, but she quickly caught on to what I was doing. Note to self; in the future, do not try to eavesdrop on her again unless, I want another bump on my noggin.

Yes; my Samantha can throw things with an almost perfect aim, this held especially true whenever she wanted to hit me with an object. I've had all kinds of things thrown at me by her over the years, glasses filled with all sundry types of liquid, flower vases, books, keys, etc. You name it and if it is in her line of vision when she gets angry, then if it is breakable; better hope it is not a cherished treasure item.

I ponder about our somewhat new yet old friendship we had just formed with each other at the Horton Square. Speaking with Samantha it was very evident she does not have the memories I have of us together. Maybe that is a good thing or it could be a bad thing? Does this mean I have a chance to forge a lasting friendship with her this time around without all the bad things that happened to us along the way?

Then I wonder if and when I will see Samantha again. She told me she would see me around and I have to hold onto the promise. I just have to believe I will see her again, even if I don't actually know what to trust in at the moment.

So many jumbled memories; are flooding my mind, all at once after seeing her again. I want to only recall the good times with her and our children, but there are so many bad times too. Dark times, ones that I can't dismiss, no matter how hard I try to make them go away.

I honestly don't know how long I sat on the bench, because I didn't wear my watch and I have no clue where my cell phone is either. I usually don't leave the house without either one of them with me. It's not like me to forget things. Being a DiMera, has taught me to be prepared for whatever may come my way, yet I feel totally lost as what to do next.

I do know it is growing darker; the afternoon has somehow gotten away from me after Samantha left my side. For some reason, I feel like I should go home, if for no other reason than to hope when I return, my life as I knew it before I woke up from this mystifying dream will return to normal.

Then I chuckle to myself, when in the hell was my life ever normal? Apparently normal for Samantha and I is something totally different for us than everyone else.

I finally push myself up from the bench because some strangers have walked pass me and the looks they are giving me make me self-conscious, which is something I rarely, if ever feel. Maybe they think I have lost all my marbles if I have been talking aloud while I have been contemplating what is happening in my life.

Without really knowing how, I make the trek back to the DiMera Mansion after I left the park, I find at least I can gain entry here even without having the house key with me. That Harold is not there to answer the door is somewhat odd. Nine times out of ten, he is there to either grant access to the mansion or tell whoever is at the door they are not allowed entrance.

I walk into the foyer almost expecting the crowd who was here before I left to still be here, but the house is eerily quiet. Too quiet for my liking. My children while most times they have good manners, they are also very loud. The noise doesn't even bother Father though; he agrees with me that having them around makes the house come to life by their laughter and playfulness they exude.

I slowly walk up the stairs determined to go to their playroom, but when I open the door to the room, it is empty. I frown as I close the door to the room and then I see a welcome face. Mary, my children's nanny is in the hallway. I smile at her as I approach, but she isn't smiling back at me, which is unusual behaviour for her. I try not to let it bother me, because I need to find out where my children are since they weren't in the playroom.

I reach out to Mary and she shies away from me. Sometimes in the past I have been abrupt with her, so that may be the reason. I have to know where my children are and this woman will know since she has been with them most of their lives.

"Mary, where are the children? They aren't in their playroom."

Mary looks at me curiously, "Master EJ, the children aren't here."

"Where could they be then? This is their home or at least it will be until Samantha and I find a home of our own. We have been looking for one, but haven 't agreed on which one we will buy."

Maybe it is upon hearing of our intentions to eventually move out of the mansion is what makes Mary begin to cry, but surely she knows she will go with us. She is like family to me, Samantha and of course our children. I'm about to inform her of such that we wouldn't leave without her when she is wiping at her eyes. I reach out my hand to her forearm in hopes of trying to calm her worries when she says something to me I never dreamed of hearing come out of her mouth.

"Master EJ, the children haven't been here for a very long time."

My brow furrows, this can't be true, why they were just here, well they were, until Sonny came to pick them up to take them to the party. Mary is just confused, she has to be.

"Mary, you aren't making any sense. I know the children went to Will and Sonny's, but they aren't going to stay there with them."

"Master EJ, your mother has the children with her and her husband Edmund for quite some time now."

"I thought Mother had come alone when she came to Salem. She told me Edmund was still in England."

"Your children are in England with your mother and step-father."

I shake my head, while Samantha and I have made up and renewed our wedding vows I doubt she would let the children go across the pond to England without either one of us being with them.

I let go of Mary's arm and stumble back a few steps until I reach the hardness of the wall behind me. "No, they should be here," I claim with a certainty that I do not feel, but desperately want to be true.

Mary reaches out her hand to steady me this time, "Master EJ, you need to go rest. Let me take you back to your room."

Even though I'm to the point of exhaustion and should heed her advice, I tell her. "I can't, I have to find my children, I have to find Samantha again too and let her know what has happened."

Upon hearing this last thing from me, Mary bursts out into a torrent of tears and then I suddenly feel myself falling; Mary isn't strong enough to hold me up. I hear her calling out for Harold and that is the last thing I remember before everything goes black on me once more.


	12. Chapter 12

**Quietus**

**Chapter 11**

There is some kind of bright light shining in my eyes, and I seriously doubt it is the lighting of the pathway to the stairwell to heaven. One thing that makes me believe this is not some ethereal eternal light; is that I'm feeling really irritable, and if by the faintest chance I was actually able to make it to the pearly gates, surely I would be in a jollier mood about it.

In case you are wondering, I am definitely not in a good mood. I feel like someone has kicked me in the side and I have a splitting headache. Right now though, I am trying to brush aside the blinding light away from my eyes. I am swatting at whatever this is to make them to move away from me. I must have hit my mark because I felt my hand connect with something solid.

"Hold still you ingrate," the words hold a distinct accent, not mine, or the Midwestern accent most the citizens of Salem possess either, rather this one is harsher, Germanic in origin.

I squint my eyes and of course it is Rolf and immediately I push him away from me. I don't want his scrutinizing gaze upon me.

"Get away from me," I order, the warning clear in my voice even if it sounds slightly gravely in my own ears.

"It is of no use if you won't allow me to help you," Rolf stated with resignation.

"I don't need your help," I push myself up and manage to stand on my own two feet.

Rolf shakes his head sadly and that makes me angry. I never want anyone's pity. I am not a person to garner true concern for my well being so for Rolf to be lurking over me I don't take it as a good sign.

I look around the room, my eyes searching for the one person I need to see and of course she is nowhere to be found. I've got to find Samantha again and try to unravel this mystery of her and our children's disappearance from my life.

"Please leave my room. I need to get dressed," I state succinctly.

Rolf turns away with a shake of his head and departs from the room as I have requested. I go to the closet and today all I see are suits, very expensive ones. I don't have time to rummage around for more comfortable clothes so I grab what I need and within a few minutes I'm ready to go out.

I open the door and no one is in sight. How did Rolf steal away so quietly? What I wouldn't give to hear the sound of my children laughing and playing? Where are they?

I don't come into contact with anyone else before I leave the mansion. Usually the house is bustling with activity, sometimes too much as I recall the large gathering the other day around here.

I don't have time to think about these things though. Right now I'm on a mission to find my wife, and bring her back home with me, so that we can live the life we have dreamed about with our children.

I feel a distinct pull to go to St. Luke's, maybe they are all there waiting for me to arrive so I hasten my steps to the sanctuary. I'm sure this is the key to getting Samantha back to where she belongs, which is with me.

I open the door though and suddenly my heart drops as I hear Samantha praying, but she isn't praying for our family.

She's praying to God that I'm not the father of her child.

I mutter out a Jesus Christ before I think better of it. Not that I'm afraid I will be struck by the wrath of God for blasphemy. My utterance is loud enough for Samantha to stop her vigilant prayers and turn her sights on me.

This time she isn't smiling at me. She doesn't look like she remembers our earlier conversation about being friends with me. Right now she appears to want to strangle me instead.

Her promise to see me around Salem sometime seems to have vanished into thin air as I hear her heatedly state, "What are you doing here EJ?"

"I came to find you," I answer. This is the truth I have come to find her, but in her mind my coming here equates to something more nefarious.

"You've come to torture me some more?" Samantha stands up to her full height just daring me to cross her.

"No darling, I came to bring you home. You need to come home with me."

The eye roll she instantly gives me is one I have seen many times before, "What kind of drugs are you on? You and I don't live together. We will never live together. I don't want anything to do with you!"

"That's not true," I shake my head in negation.

"You are delusional!"

I grab her hand even though she tries to pull it back away from me. I look at the engagement ring she is now sporting on her hand. It isn't the one I saw her wear earlier when I ran into her at Salem Place. Sadly it isn't mine that I gave her either.

No, this engagement ring came from Lucas.

"Let go of my hand," she orders me, but I don't listen to her. I hope somehow by our touching one another something will make her realize I am the man who loves her, the man who would do anything in the world for her.

For Samantha to be a petite woman, she is very strong especially when she is upset and I do seem to bring out that quality in her more than most. She finally manages to wiggle her hand out of my grasp even though her skin is reddened by my trying to hold onto her.

"He doesn't love you," is all that I say to her which only increases her ire.

"Lucas loves me, he is the father of my child, and he will be the father of this child too!"

Oh how I want to tell her she is going to have twins, beautiful babies. Babies that over time taught me how to love unselfishly.

I can tell she isn't ready to hear the truth, when she gets in this state of mind she has tunnel vision.

"Lucas Roberts isn't the love of your life any more than Austin was, neither one of them will love you the way you need to be loved."

"I love Lucas and we are going to be married soon. You need to leave me the hell alone EJ DiMera!"

I can't hold back the chuckle which almost causes me to be the recipient of a slap from her, but I easily dodge it by stepping back and reaching for her arm.

"Sweetheart, you need to calm down. Getting upset isn't' good for your condition."

"You make me upset!" She states heatedly as she tries to pull away from me once more, but this time my hold is stronger and I pull her closer to me.

"Samantha, look at me."

The stubborn creature that she is though she refuses my request.

"Please Samantha, just look at me for a moment. I have something I need to tell you."

Her curiosity of what I might impart to her outweighs her need to get away from me. Finally after a huff and an utterance I can't quite make out she turns those defiant eyes upon me and even in her anger her beauty takes my breath away from me.

"You've got thirty seconds," she warns me and I know I better make the most of my limited time with her.

"Samantha, remember our talk from earlier, the one where we said we would be friends. I told you that day Austin wasn't the one for you and today I'm telling you the same thing about Lucas. There is only one man who will ever love you unconditionally and that is me. I love you Samantha."

She is immediately confused by my words and her eyes soften for a brief second and in that second I take the chance that I am given. I put my hands under her chin to lift up her face and I gently kiss her.

At first she gives into the feeling, this magical feeling that arises whenever we kiss and then suddenly she tenses up and breaks the kiss.

Her voice is pleading in its tone. "Please stop trying to confuse me. Your actions have proven to me, that we aren't friends and we will never be in love with one another."

"We will be in love, we are in love! Please Samantha come home with me!"

She takes a shaky breath as tears form in her eyes and she does what she does best.

_She runs away from me._


	13. Chapter 13

**Quietus**

**Chapter 12**

Time is taking on a strange dimension for me. I'm so befuddled; nothing is making much sense to me anymore. The last thing I remembered was helplessly watching Samantha run out the door of St. Luke's chapel. At least I had enough sense to realize if I went after her, she wasn't going to listen to a damn word I say.

Not that she took my advice much anyway those days, but now...

_Then I think what the hell is now? Is it what is happening to me at the present time or something else entirely?_

I try to be positive as I think to myself; _I can get through to her_. I just need to keep being here, (there, wherever?) proving to her even through the darkest hours of our lives_, I am the one who will not abandon her._

The tiredness overcame me once again. I've got to take some vitamins or something to keep my flagging energy level up. In that moment though, I have some kind of epiphany this could a bad strain of the flu I've caught, one that is making me have weird dreams and visions.

That's it; I've diagnosed myself perfectly without Alexandra's help. Just thinking of my sweet sister though instantly makes me feel saddened. I miss her terribly. This must be why I dreamt of her earlier.

I'll wake up soon enough and share with Samantha this crazy dream I've had while I was overcoming a nasty flu bug.

**Note to self: I will not chicken out like I have before and take the freaking flu shot when it is being administered to the staff at DiMera Enterprises.**

_Not that I'm scared of shots, but let's admit it, they hurt like Hades._

While contemplating the validity of taking the flu shot, I awaken. I suddenly realize I'm not in our bedroom, nor any other room in the DiMera mansion. This bed isn't comfortable and when I open my eyes I see a hospital room. I try to sit up, but I can't move my legs.

**No, no, no! **

I try to keep the sudden panic that immediately rises within me as I reach for the IV that has been inserted in my left hand. I have to take this out of me. I don't need a fucking IV!

What I need is to be able to feel anything below my waist, which at the moment isn't happening. Ripping the IV out of my arm instantly brings about a stabbing pain. I manage not to cry out for help because I sure as hell don't want anyone to see me in this type of condition!

I don't want to be here. Why in god's name would I find myself back at one of the lowest points in my life? That is really saying something because while I have experienced some fantastic highs, this has to be one of the worst lows I've ever experienced.

I shut my eyes, willing this unwanted vision away. I even utter some kind of feeble prayer beseeching a higher power to release me, but instead of a swift transportation to anywhere else then where I am, all that happens is when I open my eyes is the defeating realization that I'm still stuck in this fucking hospital room.

I look over to the portable tray, located at the side of my bed and see a floral arrangement of exotic orchids. I don't even take the time to admire their fragile beauty; no I do something childish instead. I grab the base of the glass vase and fling it as hard as I possibly can with my upper body strength to the door.

The noise of the glass breaking must have been loud enough to garner some attention from beyond my hospital room since I hear her voice, one that sounds extremely alarmed as she enters the hospital room.

"EJ! What are you doing?" Samantha asks; the fright apparent in her tone as she rushes to be by me, sidestepping the messy conglomeration of broken shards of glass, water and orchids.

I refuse to answer or look at her. I'm so furious with my current situation that I'm having a difficult time trying to breathe properly.

_Is this what a fucking panic attack feels like? If so, I do not like it at all!_

Samantha tries to reach for my left hand, which is of course bleeding after I yanked out the unneeded IV from it, but I snatch it back away from her as soon as she touches me.

Then she attempts to make light of the situation by stating, "I thought I was the only one capable of throwing vases of flowers around."

I am not amused by this one bit. Instead I voice a request to her, hoping she will heed me. "Go away Samantha."

"No!" she is resolute in her answer and when I raise my eyes to look at her I can tell she isn't going anywhere. Her stance is one of complete obstinacy.

Of course why would she ever do what I ask of her to do?

I try again; hoping this time it will sink in. "I do not want or need you here, not while I'm...I'm..."

Damn my words trail off as I attempt to vocalize my feelings of abject helplessness because what if this is where I have to stay from now on?

"I'm your wife," is her soft reply as she holds up her left hand to reveal a set of rings I bought her a long time ago. Yet again, these are not the new ones he had bought her, the ones that symbolized their new start in life together.

While he wanted her to be his wife, he didn't want it like this having Samantha proving she would stay with him out of some kind of misguided obligation. He can't stand the fact that she is playing on his sympathy, making him believe there is a chance for them when he knows for sure that there isn't one.

She sits down on the bed, but EJ can't feel her sidling up against him and it makes him want to wail out about the injustices of life. Instead of breaking down in front of her he tried to take another approach to make her go.

He reaches out to touch her hair, to feel its silken tresses within his fingers as he tells himself he only wants to touch her for a moment before he asks her to leave. He is surprised she is letting him run his fingers through her hair. He lets his hand stop to rest within the mass of golden blonde hair to feel her scalp. "I'm not your husband in here."

He regretfully removes his hand from her hair to replace it at her heart, the sudden movement from one place to another on her body makes her inhale swiftly from him being so close to her, yet she doesn't pull away or say anything, at least not until he has spoken once more. "More importantly I'm not your husband in here."

She starts to refute his claim and turns her eyes to him, but when their eyes meet one another she loses her train of thought.

He drops his hand from her, "I want you to go. Please go."

She doesn't argue this time, only reaches for her pocketbook she had brought with her to pull out a picture of Johnny and lays it on top of his lap. "This is a reminder of what you need to fight for, to not give up. Think of your son instead of pitying yourself. He needs his father!"

EJ flips over the picture, "Maybe you would all be better off without me causing chaos in your lives. That way none of you would ever be in harm's way. This isn't the life I want."

Her blue eyes flash with anger, "Don't you dare give up on me, on us, on our family!"

"Why? You've told me yourself you don't love me."

Before she can argue against him he takes the liberty to reach out to grab the chain he knows for certain she will be wearing and pulls out the necklace that houses the wedding rings Lucas had given her.

Sami tries to wrench the chain away from his grasp, "This isn't what you think."

EJ toys with the rings between his fingers which only causes her to come closer to him, "No? Aren't these the wedding rings another man has given you? Lucas Horton?"

Sami raises her eyebrows in momentary confusion, "Horton?"

"Don't play dumb with me. Roberts? Horton? Whatever he calls himself these days. You are wearing his rings around your neck as a testament to your undying love for him."

"I had to divorce Lucas to marry you."

"Get an annulment; we haven't consummated the marriage yet. That way you can go back to the supposed love of your life."

_And maybe that way you won't be hurt later on by some crazed hillbilly gansta wanna be who will shoot you to hurt me._

"You will not tell me what to do! We're married because we wanted to end this damn vendetta between our families so that our children won't have to grow up under the threat of Stefano thirst for revenge against the Brady's!" She yanks at the necklace hard enough to break the chain and throws it in the direction of where I had thrown the vase of flowers, the rings clattering on the floor as they hit the unyielding surface.

I have to admit that gave me a moment's pause, Samantha had definitely not done that the first go round, but in spite of this gesture she was showing to him, he still wanted her gone. Being paralyzed below the waist wasn't the kind of man he wanted to be for her, for their children, which kind of surprised him that she had said children in passing before she had slung off her necklace across the room.

If Samantha left for good now EJ knew for a certainty she would be alive and well in the future and he loved her enough to let her go even if it broke his heart that Sydney would never come into existence if Samantha did what he was about to ask her to do. He began to lie to her. "Look I don't want you here. If I could feel my fucking legs right now I'd leave the room instead. Can't you see this is your chance to be rid of me? You can have a good life without me in it. Take it please!"

Oh but that streak of stubborn pride arose within her from his words. She shook her head and settled back more comfortable on the bed beside him, pulling him into an embrace that for the life of him he couldn't find the strength to resist.

Her voice was calm as she tightened her hold on him. "If you want to die, you have to do it right here in my arms. I'm not going anywhere."

_If only that were true..._ EJ thought forlornly as he closed his eyes hoping to stop the overwhelming urge to cry when he felt her press her lips to his cheek.

Then once again the darkness overtook him...


End file.
